Chapter 2. 20
Gift of Singleness
Not everyone can accept this word, but
only those to whom it has been given.
Matthew 19:11
First
Word
As a Teenager, I asked a young lady out on a date
to go to Church on Wednesday night; when we arrived at Church, she said, “you
really did mean CHURCH didn’t you.” She asked to sit in the balcony because she was
not appropriately dressed. I thought,
where else do you go on Wednesday Night, but Prayer Meeting.
As a young Christian adult I was a SINGLE INTROVERTED NERD. My life was full of train table construction,
building two way radios, speaker enclosures, amplifiers and tuners. I would come up for air on Friday night at 5
pm and think about getting a date, which by then was impossible. Tyrous, my forward thinking best friend would
get me blind dates so we could double date and sometimes triple date. I was a
lot of FUN
Once I Got Out.
I sure liked the ladies, but I didn’t
pursue relationships in any serious way.
I think I was born an Introvert because I was so FULFILLED building and CREATING things that dating had just not become a priority
in my life. Today, I still love to build
and create things, but if not for my friend I would probably still be single. I did marry the girl that I met on a blind
date he set me up with; I think she was impressed with my awesome Sub-Woofer. Just Saying.
World
View
Do you View Singleness
as Freedom, Liberty and a Blessing, as a Bachelor till the Rapture, or do you
see it as a curse; a burden, cruel and unusual punishment; a cross to bear. Today Christians shack-up together and do not
marry.[1] Some Christians are unequally yoked; marring a
non-Christian and paying the price for that relationship. [2] We do these things because of our BS our Belief System, in this case a “Bibleless” World View.
This Word Study addresses the Christian from the SPIRITUAL point of view,
as well as addresses the PHYSICAL emotions that go along with it in this real
world. I am not speaking with thunder
and lightning from a mountain top, but tiptoeing through a tricky mine field,
hoping not to blow up anything that leaves a moral maze which just side steps the
subject with a few noncommittal spiritual comments.
Views on
Singleness;
1) Some are FRUSTRATED; focusing only on
GETTING
MARRIED.
2) Some are ZEALOUS because of their LIBERTY.
3) Some are MINDLESS, because; LIFE IS WHAT IT IS.
I will like to shift your thoughts away
from WHY
you are single, to the PURPOSE of you being single.
Gift of Marriage
Marriage is not for everyone
any more than celibacy or Singleness is.[3] Marriage is for this life only; when we are
resurrected to a newness of life there will be NO marriage in
heaven.[4] So for those of you who feel IMPRISONED by your
marriage, you will receive a “Get out of Jail Free” card at the resurrection.
Hosea
the Prophet was told by God to GET MARRIED and not only
that, to marry a WHORE,[5] but
then told Jerimiah
the Prophet that he must STAY SINGLE.[6] God calls people in different ways, sometime
you know it for sure, and sometimes you don’t. The Book says;
that because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his
own wife and each woman her own husband, and in fact it is “Your Right”
should you desire it.[7]
The Gift of Marriage for the most part is self-focused, individualistic
and materialistic. It focuses on
security, companionship, sex, children and self-fulfillment. The trials and tribulations of marriage is
usually preferred over a tortured sex deprived life as a single; but either
Gift can still be used for the COMMON GOOD.[8]
Some people can serve God
best as a TEAM or a couple,
therefore marriage is the IDEAL place for them in life. However, Singleness is by no
means Second Class. Through prayer, you are able to determine what
is the acceptable and perfect will of God in your life.[9] If you
lack wisdom in this area, ask God; He has promised that it will be given to you
generously.
Gift of Singleness
Bachelor till the Rapture. Today it
is doubtful that God calls anyone to singleness against their will. The Gift of Singleness
can be just for a season, but sometimes it’s a lifetime calling. This
calling of God is not something everyone can share. Many singles just DO NOT possess the spiritual GIFT OF SINGLENESS, but
nevertheless remain un-married; its part of their life and for the most part,
beyond their control. The GIFT of Singleness does not deny or suppress
your sexuality, but directs you into service of the body of Christ that honors
God with sexual
purity; it may be temporary
or lifelong.
Young single
people need Single Spiritual Leaders who are flexible, mobile, and available in
being that good friend who provides them with undivided attention. I want to address the passage of scripture
that discusses THE GIFT OF SINGLENESS. I think it is important to know WHY the
topic was brought up in the first place.
The Greek Word for GIFT is “charisma” coming from the root word “charis” which means GRACE. Singleness is a special Grace Gift from God for kingdom service.[10] When Paul speaks of the Gift of ONE kind and ONE of another, he
is saying that ONE is the gift of SINGLENESS and another ONE is the gift of
being MARRIED. Both are affirmed and both are called gifts. So Paul is not putting singleness as a gift
better than marriage, but as just a status in life.
Paul says being Single or Married is just a status of which both are of service to
God. [11]
Now concerning the matters about which YOU wrote: “It is
good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own
husband. Now as a concession,
NOT A COMMAND, I say this. I wish that all
were as I myself am (single). But each has his
own GIFT from God, one of ONE kind (single) and ONE of another (married). (ESV)
Singleness
Singleness CAN be because of a birth or physical
defects; an obligations to take care of elderly parents, or perhaps the result
of a horrible accident, or the death of a spouse or separation because of
divorce or perhaps because of a homosexual orientation. Someone may have NEVER married because they have NOT actually met someone that they truly
wanted to marry. Some have been
emotionally damaged in previous relationships and psychologically damaged by
others leaving them in a position where they FEAR close
relationships and are unable to sustain them.
When you take scripture at its core value of instructing Christians “to not be
unequally yoked”, then you have reduced the number of qualified
applicants to less than half. Those that
are desirable are not available and those that are available are just not
desirable.
Marriage and Singleness run parallel in
that they both have their benefits and joys, sorrows and troubles; they are
just different. However, singleness
from the Spiritual point of view can be a higher calling in the propagation of
the Gospel. If Singleness is your
calling, it can be a platform of service that secures your undivided devotion
to the Lord.[12]
Even though it was the custom for Jewish
men to marry, Jesus
was single as was Paul and John the Baptist, all of which achieved
greatness in establishing the Church. John the
Baptist chose the seclusion of
the wilderness as the Essenes did, somewhat like the monks
and nuns
do today with the seekers coming to them.
Paul
chose the highways of life and went to where the people were.
Both were single, both called; but different roads with different travelers. We need them both. We need the man on the corner that is carrying
a sign that says REPENT OR BURN and we need the man in the pulpit teaching
verse by verse everything that God has commanded; different callings, same Lord.
Singleness can be
a privilege; if you remember the SINGLE peasant girl named Mary was chosen thousands of
years earlier to be the mother of our Messiah, Jesus the Christ.[13] Singleness can be a blessing, a special Gift from the Devine Giver who knows the
end from the beginning. Not as a Gift as was poured out on the Day of
Pentecost by the Holy Spirit, but a gift that was designed just for you which you are
happy with and desire. If you
are not happy being single and do not desire this, it’s certainly not a gift
from God; there is NOTHING WRONG WITH EXCHANGING THE GIFT.
Have you heard of Missionary Dating? That’s when
you date a non-believer in order to lead them to Christ. It’s called “Flirting that leads to Converting”. Some CULTS even encourage SEX, with the belief that the end
justifies the means. I encourage you to
avoid dating non-believers; you can be pulled down much easier than you can
pull someone else up.[14]
Do not stir up love until the appropriate time.[15] Wait for the right timing. It’s in the Book
Song
of Songs 8:4 - Young women of Jerusalem,
I charge you:
DO NOT STIR UP or AWAKEN LOVE
until
the appropriate time. (HCSB)
Anonymous
Quiet Suffering
Married people get to go
home after church with their spouse and have a nice meal, while someone who is
single goes home to feed their goldfish or if they are fortunate that have a
cat that’s asleep somewhere that they can call. Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays
are low times with emotions and thoughts of a second
rate existence. They wonder
why God is taking so long to HOOK THEM UP with someone. They have Feelings and emotions; that
everyone that they know is either married or in a relationship and they are not able to love someone or receive love as
deeply as others do. The
thoughts flood in about not having a partner and the fear of never
finding one; it’s a sense of isolation with no hope, rarely noticed by anybody.
Sometimes you just “feel alone”; it’s “just
you” with a glaring reminder that you lack something and you wrestle
with the nagging pain of heartache, loneliness, discontentment and depression
which you have just learned to “live with”.
Sometimes Fellow Christians deem
Singleness as something that is God’s second best and
that you are probably in a deficient life, unfulfilled and incomplete, and they
offer you confusing advice that is emotionally hard to process. They are continually checking on your ‘STATUS” and usually try
to ‘FIX YOU UP” with someone,
which just DRIVES
YOU CRAZY and you just smile all the time wishing GAS PAINS on them if they don’t change the subject.
The Central
Issue
Getting to the Point of Paul’s letter
to the Church. There was some
extenuating issues and circumstances
in the Church which Paul was addressing in his letter that all of them knew
about, but we can only guess. (If we didn’t
know better, we would think Paul has just come through a nasty breakup with his
girlfriend.) To their question he is pointing out that
being married or single does not define the central issue of your life; the BIG ISSUE is how available
and focused you are in serving the Lord.
Remember Paul is Single and considers
his status as a Gift from God and says marriage is a good thing, but as for
serving the Lord, singleness is even better.[16] From his point of view, earthly relationships
and affections become insignificant in the presence and light of Jesus Christ
in eternity.
The End is
near
Paul believed that the “Time was Short”,[17]
that the return of the Messiah was imminent and he felt an urgency in spreading
the Gospel to as many people as possible before that happened. This is the sole point of his letter on the
Gift of Singleness. Paul is expressing
that a man or woman BEING SINGLE has the ability to concentrate on things
of God and how to please Him and how to invest in people, dream dreams, and
accomplish great goals for the kingdom of God.[18]
Being Married burdens the mind
with obligations to the spouse, family and worldly responsibilities which
divides a person’s time and efforts concerning the impending Kingdom of God;
that if you were single, it was a GIFT FROM GOD. You are FREE
to serve anywhere at any time.
Obviously today, while we know that our TIME IS SHORT, we do not live
in any urgency for the Kingdom of God. The zeal to devote, without distraction, your
whole life to the Kingdom of God is sadly left wanting. My contribution to the Kingdom of God is my
Word Studies and my Giving that makes it possible for others to go and share
the Gospel
How can people call on Jesus for salvation
unless they believe in Him? And how can they believe if they have never heard?
And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how can they go
unless they are sent?[19]
The Book says, “How beautiful
are the feet of the messengers who bring the Good News.”[20] If you want to get in on what God is doing,
you should at least ask Him what He would have you to do.
If you don’t want to shoot the gun, then at least carry the bullets.
Hooking
Up
My
cute wife told me that as a
teenager, she and her girlfriends would pile into a car and drive around on a
Sunday Night to see which Church the boy’s cars were parked at, the next Sunday
each knew which Church they wanted to attend.
The Concept
might not be a bad idea, find out which churches have a “Singles Program” and visit
around. It’s far better than searching
for “The
Right One” IN A BAR.
Do not forsake going to Church and
fellowshipping with other Believers as many have been accustomed to doing.[21] It’s a
privilege that many do not have because they must work on Sunday. If you are Single and want to meet a fellow
Christian, where better than in the House of God. The person you date may not look that good,
but some of his friends might, so GO because you never know
who you are going to meet.
The
Take Away
Marriage is not THE GIFT, and Singleness
is not THE
PUNISHMENT, they
are both gifts. God gives gifts that you
enjoy and take pleasure in; something that you are good at and that others
notice the ease of which you do it. For
some people it is actually better for them not to marry, SINGLENESS is a Good Gift. When you think
of the Gift
of Singleness it is in the Spiritual context of how best you can
serve God; if you are excited with singleness, then singleness IS your
calling for now, so embrace your liberty. Single people are serving in various
capacities in all parts of the world where a traditional family would just not
work.
Singleness can be for a lifetime or it can
be just for a season, just as marriage can be unexpectedly interrupted, and you
are single again. Jesus said, Not Everyone is able to
receive being single, but only those to whom it is given. Singleness is NOT
primarily a lack of
relationships, but an OPPORTUNITY
for relationships through tangible acts of hospitality, service, and love.
Jesus was Single and was tempted in every
way that is common to man and knows exactly the emotions and feelings that surges
through your MIND and BODY; so you can go
to Him in prayer about every emotion and feeling and He will provide a way so
that you are ABLE TO ENDURE IT.[22]
Some of the writings in the Apocrypha speak about the physical love Jesus
had for Mary
Magdalene and her for him; none report
that they were married or had children.
Jesus healed her of demon possession and she never left him, even at
death, and was the first to see Him resurrected and was SENT as the first
woman disciple back to the others as a witness. It’s in the Book
Our
Father in heaven knows how to give GOOD GIFTS to those who ask Him.[23]
Married or Single is
a “status”
and both are validated by God. IF you
desire someone to share your life with, then the GIFT of being single was NOT given to you.[24] Do you desire to meet a
Christian Single; start in your own Church, then you might visit other churches
that have a singles program; this is far better than looking in a BAR. All things work together for Good for those
that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.[25]
In your Singleness, God is
preparing you for whatever comes next.
[1] Exodus 22:16 – If you
need to have SEX, then you should get MARRIED
[2] 2 Corinthians 6:14 – Command; don’t marry an unbeliever
[3] Matthew 19:11 - Marriage is not for everybody
[4] Matthew 22:30 – Marriage is only on earth; it is not in Heaven
[5] Hosea 1:2-3 – Hosea, go TAKE A WHORE for a wife
[6] Jeremiah 16:1-2 – Jeremiah, you shall STAY SINGLE
[7] 1 Corinthians 7:2 – Each man should have his own wife -- 1 Corinthians
9:5 – It is my right to have a believing wife --
[8] 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 – Gifts are given for the Common Good -- Genesis
2:18 – God designed marriage; it is GOOD to
marry
[9] Romans 12:2 - Discern for yourself what is the acceptable and perfect
will of God -- James 1:5 - If any of you lacks
wisdom, let him ask God who gives it generously
[10] Romans 3:23-24 – Grace is God’s Gift -- 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 – Singleness or Marriage are both a status of service
[11] 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 Being Single or Married is just a status of which
both are of service to God
[12] 1 Corinthians 7:35 – Singleness provides
undivided devotion to God
[13] Isaiah 7:14 – Prophecy; Single woman bears a son called Immanuel
[14] 2 Corinthians 6:14 – Don’t marry an
unbeliever, light cannot commune with darkness
[15] Song of Songs 8:4 – Don’t stir up love until
appropriate time
[16] 1 Corinthians 7:25-28 – Concerning Service, Paul prefers whether Single
or Married; stay as you are -- 1
Corinthians 7:38 – Marriage is good, but Singleness is even better for
service NOTE: Paul makes it a
point to say that that these are just his thoughts and not
a command from God.
[17] 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 – Time is growing short; the present form of this
World is passing away
[18] 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 – Being Single with undivided devotion is better
for the ministry
[19] Romans 10:14 – How can they go unless someone sends them
[20] Romans 10:15 – How
beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things
[21] Hebrews 10:24-25 – Don’t forsake Church meetings it stirs up love --
Romans 15:5-7 – Welcome Others, Live in Harmony, Glorify God
[22] Hebrews 2:18 – Jesus SUFFERED
when He was tempted and is Able to help us -- Luke 4:13 – Christ was tempted IN EVERY TEMPTATION that is common to man -- Hebrews 4:15 – Jesus
was tempted with desires of the flesh as we are -- 1 Corinthians 10:13 – God provides a way for us to be ABLE
TO ENDURE IT
[23] Matthew 7:11 – God gives Good Gifts to those that ask -- James 1:17 –
Every Good and Perfect Gift come down from God -- James 4:2 - You do not
have, because you do not ask -- James
4:3 – You do not receive, because you ask wrongly
[24] Matthew 19:11-12 - Not
everyone can receive being single and that’s OK
[25] Romans 8:28 - All things work together for good for the Believer
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