Chapter 10.21
Divorce
Marriage Design – Marriage Covenant – Civil
Unions
Scriptural Divorce - Separation – Adultery – Fornication
The Exceptions to the Rule - The mind
PRE-REQUISITE
This Word study only applies to a
MALE
and a FEMALE who are both Christians.
First Word
I was about 11 years old
when I noticed my sister’s graduation card had an additional name on it and I
asked my mom why. It was then I received
the BOMBSHELL of my life. Mom said she had been married before and that
this was her first husband’s name.
I couldn’t believe that my Mom had been divorced and I asked my Dad if he
knew about it. He said yes; that he too was divorced when he met my Mom.
My heart sunk; my entire family was devout Christians; I mean followers of Jesus Christ and all my life they had taught Sunday School and now I find out that they BOTH had been DIVORCED.
We didn’t talk about it again, but after I was married, I got another BOMBSHELL… I had another sister that all the
extended family knew about except me; now I have TWO half-sisters; his and hers.
I was the only
child that had the same mom AND dad in
common. GOOD GRIEF.
Marriage
To talk about Divorce,
it seems only right to start with a little dialog about marriage. The only thing I knew about marriage was that
at some point everybody got married, moved out from their folks house and
started their own family. I said the “for better or
worse” part of the required process because that’s was what you did,
but I gave no thought to any of it.
I believe most of America gives little to no
thought to the marriage vow because
it’s just a process you go through.
Even I, as a Notary Public
can marry you if you have a marriage license.
You can live together first to see if the relationship works out; then
you can marry and if marriage doesn’t work for you, you can ALWAYS get a divorce.
Civil Union
Marriage is just a civil union
between two or maybe more people, you can get married anywhere. Today two men can get married or two women
for that matter can get married. Marriage
or having a “Partner”
is just something you do so that under the law you can receive extra health
and tax benefits and of course
some legalized
SEX.
REALLY
Cheap and Easy
WICKIPEDIA: Divorce (or
the dissolution of marriage) is the termination
of a marital union, the canceling
of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and the dissolving of the bonds of
matrimony between married couples.
GOOGLE: Tammy Wynette sings
D-I-V-O-R-C-E… a SC Divorce $149.00…
Do it yourself
Divorce… Divorce by Phone… On line Divorce… No fault Divorce
Divorce American
style… Divorce and be friends… Divorce made Easy.
Today divorce is cheap and easy: Jesus
acknowledged that the Pharisees back in His day were an “Adulterous Generation” [1]
and that can be said of us today.
Marriage has
left its magnificent
meaning and joined the ranks of
the sordid
sitcom image.
Man should not be alone
Marriage was God’s idea, it all started
in the Garden
of Eden when God determined that it was not good for a man to be alone[2]
and he gave Eve to Adam to be his wife.
God became “The Father of the Bride” so to speak.[3] He even mandated that the marriage was not
only so that we would not be alone, but that we should multiply and be
surrounded with children.[4] God says that the man who has a quiver full
of children is blessed.[5]
Design
God designed the marriage: The marriage institution was designed for a
man and a woman, Just as Eve was made from Adams flesh; marriage joins two people
into one flesh; one body.[6] They were to leave their fathers home and
start a new life[7]
together as one flesh in their own home, and if they were so blessed to have a
bunch of babies.
Right off the bat; we can see that one of
the main reasons to be married was to REPRODUCE; have
children. This is
something two men or two women cannot do; [8]this
GAY
concept is causing the collapse of our culture into debauchery and our
President isn’t helping with his endorsement of Gay Marriages.
The Institution of marriage was ESTABLISHED by God Himself, FOR
Himself.
Marriage is FROM God, THROUGH God and FOR God and is the showcase of HIS
glory.[9]
Marriage
is symbolic of “CHRIST’S COMMITMENT TO THE
CHURCH”, it is an unbreakable union.
God will not divorce the Church; with the EXCEPTION that they are unfaithful; [10]
even then He
will try to woo them back.
Symbolic
The Marriage Covenant is symbolic of the “Profound
Mystery”[11]
of Christ as the Husband and the Church as His wife. Christ left his Father side and took the
Church as His bride[12]
and has gone to prepare a place for us; this world is no longer our home.[13]
A man is to love his wife as his own body, his own flesh, a man who
loves his wife loves himself; they have become one flesh
Christ is head
of the Church; the husband is head of the marriage
and submits to
God;[14]
therefore the wife submits to the husband
BECAUSE HE
IS SUBMITTED TO GOD.
Both the Husband and the Wife are the Bride of Christ.
The
original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer.
Groom: I take thee to be my lawful wedded Wife, to have
and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to
God's holy ordinance; and
thereto I plight thee my troth.
Bride: I take thee to
be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for
better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love,
cherish, and to obey, till death us
do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and
thereto I give thee my troth.
Groom: With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee
worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: in the
name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
Covenant
What’s wild is that the
marriage vow is a COVENANT between a man, a woman
and God. There are THREE in the covenant;
God has joined together the marriage.
We have been chosen, made holy and loved
by God, we can trust Him, bank on Him and shape our marriage like Him.
A blood covenant cannot be broken; when Adam and Eve sinned, blood flowed when
animals were killed and their skins were used to cover their nakedness.[15] When a man has sex with his VIRGIN wife, there is blood that flows for the first
time.[16] This is called the “cutting
of the covenant”, the sealing the marriage.
God
cut the covenant with Abraham:[17] Abraham did nothing but observe; God did it
all. Abraham in his lifetime may have stumbled in the covenant, but God did not.
When Jesus was pierced on the cross, blood
flowed sealing the covenant
of our salvation.[18] We may stumble
in our marriage, become painful distant to our spouse, backslide in our morals,
but God is faithful and wants our marriage to be healed. We may stumble, but
He will not.[19]
GOD
HATES DIVORCE;[20] let no man
separate the marriage.[21]
Is Divorce lawful?
As I write about divorce,
I realize that the reader may have already been divorced or perhaps is thinking
about divorce. Statistics say that about
50% of America is divorced. The question
was put to Jesus; “Is it lawful to divorce for any reason”
[22]
and Jesus replied that in the very beginning God “joined”
two in marriage and they should NOT be “separated”. Then they asked Jesus; “then why
did Moses allow a certificate of divorce if it wasn’t legal?” [23]
Now this is
where we get into the meat of the subject.
Moses allowed
the certificate of divorce because of the hardness of their heart.[24]
Let’s unpack
that term; “HARDNESS OF HEART”
Moses never mandated or commanded divorce; because of the hardness of their heart they were divorcing anytime they wanted to and for any
reason. Moses only permitted it in order to REGULATE it and to tie it down to only actions of marriage infidelity[25] which would extend to fornication[26]
before they were married; i.e. she was
not a virgin. When Joseph found out
that Mary was pregnant and he had not yet known her, he though to divorce her
quietly.
The Three P’s
Marriage, consisting of the
Three P’s,
was instituted to unite two God fearing
people together for Protection, Provision and Peace;
sometimes one of the three P’s is missing.
Maybe it’s Protection: While the husband’s responsibility of
Protection to the wife and family is primary; the wife also protects her
husband and the children.[27] Maybe discipline is missing from the family. Maybe
the husband is “MIA”
Missing in Action. Adam’s job was to protect Eve and was standing
right beside her when she was tempted… Adam failed.[28] God did not come after Eve the one who first
sinned, but came after Adam “the Protector,” and said; “Adam, Where are you”?[29]
Maybe it’s Provision: Again it’s the husband’s primary responsibility
to provide for the family; but maybe he’s a
slacker,[30] or
is always looking for the easy buck so he won’t have to work.[31] Maybe the wife works too, but her money is her money.
Maybe it’s Peace: Handsome or Beautiful does not compensate for
a spouse that is cranky, selfish or unkind. God wants the Believers to have peace in their
lives.[32] There are inappropriate things that take peace away from the marriage such as moodiness, insecurity, clinging, jealousy, pity parties,
complaining, criticizing, fault finding, strong willed ready to fight – yelling
– verbal put downs - making demands, anger, temperamental displays, playing
hard to get, manipulating situations, withholding sex, physical abuse and the list goes on and on.[33] (Is this spouse really a believer?)
Out of the
abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.[34] A foolish quarrelsome spouse brings trouble into the marriage with their own
mouth[35]
and inherits a whirlwind of trouble.[36] Maybe you don’t have a clue that your spouse has
moved on without you and has had
an affair and wants out of the marriage IS
ONE SPOUSE A BELIEVER AND THE OTHER A MAKE BELIEVER?
Proverbs says that an adulterer’s path is unstable and he doesn’t even
know it.[37] Paul said; get a divorce, you are free; Let the unbeliever
go.[38]
Although this statement came from Paul;
we know the words were given under the inspiration of God,[39]
as all of scripture is.
Three Exceptions
Divorce has been justified for Three
Reasons
1)
Unfaithful
Divorce:
A spouse has been unfaithful to the
other before or after marriage.[40]
2)
Unbeliever
Divorce:
One spouse is an unbeliever and THEY want to go.[41]
3)
Redemptive
Divorce:
A spouse brings into the home disruptive behavior like habitual lying, or
drugs, or drunkenness, rage, assault, addictive gambling, child abuse, and
perhaps even an adulterous lifestyle. All removing PEACE from the marriage; God has called us to peace.[42]
I realize that most folk’s Belief System will
only agree with divorce for the first
reason and MIGHT consider the second reason, but NOT the third;
however some marriages need an intervention
to save their children or perhaps their very own life. You may have heard of someone who felt TRAPPED and wound up committing suicide; this is so
sad and affecting many.
Unbelieving Spouse
Marriage is not only
about love,
but about covenant
keeping. Maybe you came to
the Lord after you were married, but your spouse did not; what do
you do? You are not
required to be enslaved for the sake of the marriage. If THEY want to leave,
you can let them go; you are not required to keep the marriage vow.
However an Unbeliever or Make-believer is “sanctified” by the marriage to the believer; it does not save
them, but they could become saved by the “sermon”
lived out in your life.
1 Corenthians
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to
depart from her husband.
11 But even if she does depart, let her remain
unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I,
not the Lord, say: If any
brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live
with him, let him not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has a husband who does not
believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by
the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your
children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15 BUT IF THE
UNBELIEVER DEPARTS, LET HIM DEPART; a brother or a sister is not under
bondage in such cases. But
GOD HAS CALLED US TO PEACE.
16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will
save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your
wife?
NKJV
Sex is Good
Everything God made is good including SEX and its
normal for a man and a woman to desire each other and in Marriage it should not
be withheld lest Satan get a foothold in the marriage. Sexual intercourse in the marriage context is
a FAITH WEAPON against Satan,
so don’t abstain too long. Give each other the RIGHTS that belong to
each other.[43]
Drink water from your own well and share it with no one;[44] be
content and just lose yourself in the oneness of SEX with your
spouse.[45] In my BS, I believe SEX is a “binding agent”
to the marriage; it heals offences, it forgives, it unifies, it makes a oneness
again; it’s the mortar between the bricks.
Let the marriage bed remain undefiled.[46] Enjoy SEX with thanksgiving to God.[47]
Messin’ Around
Researchers say that 51% of
Americans have committed adultery sometime during the life of their
marriage; however this need not destroy the marriage. Having SEX with someone
that is not your spouse, unites the two of you into one flesh,[48]
this should be unthinkable for the Christian who is one flesh with the Lord; but
it happens.[49]
It all starts pretty innocently… You work well with her at the office
and begin to take breaks at the same time… Then you plan your lunch when she
does… You wind up on the same team… You mention coming in on Saturday to catch
up some work…. She does too…. You both begin to co-miserate… then it happens.
You are a zone manager and have to open the store at
She keeps bringing her car in for minor repairs; things that you can’t
find… You put her car up on the lift while she is still in the car…. You climb
in so you can understand the problem better… Then it happens….You think no
one knows what’s going on in the car high up on the lift…. But they do.
You return something to Sue’s apartment, you are introduced to her
“perky friend” and then Sue leaves for an appointment… You are left with “Perky.” It’s nice, she’s nice, she smells good and
talks softly and touches you often as she talks. She turns the subject to sex between two Christians
and you begin to melt; you
are dead meat. The phone
rings and perky gets up to answer it… then you remember the scripture, “that with every temptation, God provides a way of escape”[50]…
You get up and wave as you leave the apartment.
Life is choice driven and you just made the choice.
The Mind
You have heard it
said; “It’s all in your mind”; and it is.
You can say “I CAN’T get along with
my wife”, “I CAN’T communicate with
her”, but what you are really saying is “I
When you are tempted to divorce or perhaps to just find someone else;
God will provide a way to help you
maintain the marriage covenant,[51]
even if it is YOU that has
stumbled; just seek Him.
YOU
BECOME LOVEABLE BY LOVING; NOT BY MANIPULATING.
Kisses, thoughtfulness, understanding and a sense of security repairs
the bridge. The spouse must experience
that they are valuable and precious. You
have a choice to let them go or
The scars of the imagination
cause the mind to drift back;[53] STOP IT.
Gird up; grab hold of the fringes of your
mind;[54] MAKE UP YOUR MIND to conform yourself to the foundation of
strength offered through the grace of Christ.[55] No one that puts their hand to the “plow of marriage” and then looks back desiring the single lifestyle[56] is
worthy of the Marriage
Covenant made with God. Looking back only plows a crooked row in the marriage.
Hosea and Gomer
The story of Hosea, a prophet of God and his prostitute wife is
amazing. As symbolic of Christ and
the Church, the marriage of Hosea unfolds as he goes and seeks after his wayward wife
and buys her back at the slave market for 15 shekels, plus throws in an
extra homer and a half of barley and brings her home to live with him again.[57]
The story is symbolic of Israel
straying away from God; but God sought to restore them. Just as Hosea took his bride back, so Jesus
does when we stray.
Redeem
your marriage
Marriage is a shadow of us as
the bride of Christ.[58] Love grows in its
expression, it pursues, is unselfish, values the person, assumes
responsibility, gives to the limit, and is pure in motive and action.
Christ’s power is made perfect in our weakness;[59]
His grace is sufficient.[60] The strength of Christ will help us in the
striving to save our marriage.[61]
What you can do
·
First of all commit to the marriage and remove all
doubt that you want to stay together.[62]
·
Husbands treat your
wives as if they were your own body as God treats the Church.
·
Headship of the home is not a right, nor a burden, but
a unique responsibility; to protect; physically and spiritually
provide; lead, comfort, exhort and discipline with tender care as well as
maintain Peace
in the family unit; the husband provides both Spiritual and moral
“initiative”, not dominance. It is his responsible to define integrity,
morals and modesty.
·
Wives give RESPECT to your husband as head of your home just
as Christ is head of the Church. Both of you; ignore
the annoying habits, the flaws, the idiosyncrasies and weaknesses.
Accept each other WARMLY regardless of the situation.[63]
·
Submission is willing,
free, and full of gladness, adding strength to the marriage and honor to the
husband according to your gifts which compliments and enriches his gifts. Submission is not a “cultural leftover” from long ago.
Servanthood is scriptural. It does NOT mean your brain
is in neutral and you agree with everything. You do not follow into sin.[64]
·
Neither of you are all-wise, perfect or self-sufficient.
Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to
intercede for you to have FAITH to TRUST the Lord in your dysfunctional
relationship.
·
Try to clarify and define each other’s roles to
remove confusion and ambiguity in the marriage. - Mutually
and humbly submit to each other agreeing to meet the other’s needs.
·
Don’t start seeking greener pastures; understand
that every cow pasture has Cow Plop here and
there that MUST be stepped
over.
·
Don’t let
your SELFISH DESIRES be cloaked in SPIRITUAL
LANGUAGE having only
a form of godliness.
·
Don’t let your many words NAG and badger, let your actions do most of the
talking.[65]
·
If you are abused or mistreated, pray for him.[66] Spend time deep
in the word entrenching your
unshakable roots in the theology and sovereignty of God.
·
Love
each other, NOT reform each other. Be quick to listen; slow to anger and merciful.
Have a
compassionate heart with humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one
another.[67]
·
Forgive, Fight bitterness: Don’t use the children as a weapon.[68]
·
Don’t “air your laundry” with your family or friends to
cause them to take sides.
·
Do not defend yourself before others – Avoid tale
bearing and loose talk
·
Seek a Godly person of the SAME SEX to give you support – Spent time in the scriptures.
·
Concentrate on your mistakes, not your
spouses,
asking God to show YOU how to change.
·
Do not separate… Encourage the other to stay… Give
them space and respect with “actions” of quiet love… Delay divorce… Let the Lord fight the battle.
·
Don’t over compensate with your children by
ignoring discipline, they need their Father and Mother to be stable and
constant, dependable and trust worthy.
·
Don’t expect a quick solution… Hope
in all things, believe
in all things and endure all things.
·
Take it just one day at a time, praying often,
seeking God to lead your actions and reactions.
·
Keep faith, hope and love
in your heart.[69]
·
Have compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, love and
meet emotional needs.[70]
·
Love unselfishly
pursues the spouse; assumes responsibility; gives to the limit; grows and does
not diminish. Love covers a multitude of flaws.[71]
·
Don’t
let the love for your spouse depend on how your spouse treats you. This is a hard one for me
·
Let the old path pass away as a new path of
reconciliation emerges through Christ. Submit
to each other; love each other. Your marriage
is called to PEACE.[72]
·
The
sin of adultery has already been nailed to the cross.[73] Paid in Full, ask for forgiveness. Count your
spouse as righteous even though they are not. It’s through Christ that the both of you are
made righteous; forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.
·
Don’t let the sun set on unresolved issues; reconcile,
make PEACE before bedtime.[74]
Momentary Marriage
While Marriage is permanent, it’s not forever,
it’s only MOMENTARY. Marriage exists only while we are on earth; when
we die we will be like the angles in heaven.
There will be no marriage or husband and wife; we will all… male and
female… be the bride of Christ.[75]
Ask God to establish
your marriage, confirm
it, sanctify
it and preserve
it.
Marriage is a
gift to be enjoyed while on earth,
it is a fleeing
mist to be sweetly embraced;[76]
at death the
marriage vow will end.[77]
I remain a dirty, rotten, lowdown, scumbag sinner,
Saved, Redeemed and Forgiven by His Grace,
Praise God
I just felt a need to confess it.
[2] Genesis
[3] Genesis
[4] Genesis 9:7 – Have some babies; it’s a command
[5] Psalm 127:3-5 - Children are a gift from God and joyful is the man
whose quiver is full of them
[6] Genesis 2:22-23 - Flesh
of my flesh; the two are one flesh
[7] Genesis
[8] Matthew 19:4-6 – Marriage
is for a Male and a Female only and there is No Divorce; a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh
[9] 1 Corenthians
[10] Deuteronomy 31:8 – God
will never leave nor forsake His Bride, nor should you
[11] Ephesians 5:32-33 – Marriage is a profound mystery. -- Ephesians 5:25-31 –
Marriage is symbolic of Christ and the Church -
[12] John 14:2-3 – Christ will
take you, His Bride to His home, to a very special place that has been prepared
just or you.
[13] John
[14] Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives submit to your husbands as he submits to God
[15] Genesis 3:21 – The first blood covenant with
Adam and Eve was with the cutting of animal skins
[16] Deuteronomy
[17] Genesis
[18] John
[19] Matthew 28:20 – I am with
you; I will keep the covenant -- Hebrews 13:5 – I will not leave you; I am
faithful
[20] Malachi
[21] Matthew 19:6 – Let man
not separate what God has joined.
[22] Matthew 19:3-6 – Is it
legal to get a divorce?
[23] Matthew 19:7-8 – Why did Moses give a certificate of divorce?
[24] Deuteronomy 24:1 - Moses
allows a Certificate of Divorce
[25] Matthew 19:9 – Marital
unfaithfulness is the only exception for Divorce
[26] Mathew 1:18-19 – SEX before marriage; Fornication
[27] Proverbs
[28] Genesis 3:6 – PROTECTION - Adam failed to protect
Eve
[29] Genesis 3:9 – PROTECTION - Adam WHERE
[30] Proverbs 18:9 – PROVISION - A slacker destroys his
marriage
[31] 2 Thessalonians
[32] Ephesians 4:31 – PEACE; Get rid of bitterness,
anger and fussing.
[33] Psalm 6:6-7 – PEACE; I cry myself to sleep --
Proverbs 14:1 – A foolish spouse tears down their marriage with the mouth --
[34] Matthew
[35] Proverbs 21:9 – PEACE - A quarrelsome wife
divides a home
[36] Proverbs
[37] Proverbs 5:6 – UNFAITHFUL: The adulterer’s path is
unstable
[38] 1 Corenthians
[39] 2 Timothy 3:16-17 – All
scripture is God breathed
[40] Matthew 19:9 – Marital
unfaithfulness is an exception to divorce -- Matthew 1:18-19 – SEX before
marriage; Fornication
[41] 2 Corenthians
[42] Colossians 3:15 – You are
called to have PEACE
[43] 1 Corenthians 7:2-5 –
Fulfill your DUTY
of SEX to your spouse
[44] Proverbs
[45] Hebrews 13:5 – Be content
with what you have
[46] Hebrews 13:4 – Let the
marriage bed be undefiled; guard your heart
[47] 1 Timothy 4:3 – SEX was created
to be received with thanksgiving
[48] 1 Corenthians
[49] 1 Corenthians
[50] 1 Corenthians
[51] 1 Corenthians
[52] Genesis
[53] Proverbs
[54] 1 Peter
[55] 2 Corenthians 12:9 –
God’s grace gives you strength; "My grace is
sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
[56] Luke 9:62 – Don’t look
back at the single life and imagine.
[57] Hosea 3:1-3 – Go buy back
your wife: "Go, show your love to your wife
again, though she is loved by another and is an
adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the
Israelites,
[58] Colossians 2:17 –
Marriage is a shadow of us as the bride of Christ
[59] 2 Corenthians
[60] 2 Corenthians 12:9 – His
grace is sufficient.
[61] Philippians 4:13 – Strive at the marriage with the strength of Christ
[62] 2 Corenthians 5:17-18 – A
new path of reconciliation has come
[63] 1 Peter
[64] Colossians
[65] 1 Peter 3:1 – Wives don’t
NAG your husbands but be
submissive they may be won over without words
[66] Luke 6:27-28 – Pray for
those who mistreat you; do good to those who
hate you, bless
those who curse you
[67] James
[68] Colossians 3:12-14 –
Have Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness, and
patience Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
[69] 1 Corenthians
[70] 1 Corenthians 13:4-7 – LOVE - protects,
preserves, is patient, and TRUSTS and perseveres
[71] 1 Peter 4:8-9 – Love
covers a multitude of flaws in the marriage
[72] Colossians
[73] Colossians 2:13-14 – The sin of fornication and adultery has been nailed to the
cross
[74] Ephesians
[75] Mark
[76] James
[77] Romans 7:1-2 – Death releases the Law of the Marriage Covenant -- Matthew
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