Chapter 11.7
Loss of a Child
God’s Sovereignty
- Miscarriage – Still
birth
Empty Arms - Accident - Medical - Suicide
First Word
The death of a child is like a
period placed before the end of a sentence. There's nothing as devastating as the loss of
a child. There was a little girl born
into our family February 2, 1908 who was named Itty Bitty because she was so tiny and soon died. Even though she only lived five months, her
name was passed down through the generations in memoirs of love and lament and
remembered over 100 years later. – Why is that? - A child was
born, loved, prayed over and died.
As parents, we
naturally expect our children to outlive us and to lose a child is just an out
of order event; a life-altering experience. There are many emotions felt by
those who have lost a child; feelings of indescribable suffering, pain and
loss. Nothing can alleviate that pain
except for the love of family, friends, the passing of time and the consolation
from the Lord.
How can anyone
tell someone else how to handle the death of their child, especially when they
have never lost a child? Everyone handles their grief differently; no
parent ever just moves on and gets over the death of a child although the
intensity diminishes with time.
The Book says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted[1]
and that it is not God’s will that any little one should perish;[2]
but when they do, in the finality of things,[3] it
will work together for good for those that love the Lord.[4] Every moment the child lived was already laid
out before a single day of his life had passed.[5] It’s in the Book
God’s
Sovereignty
Because God is sovereign, He knows the life decisions of a still born or a new born
baby even before they were formed in the womb and knows when they will die. There are no accidents or surprises with God… God knows.
When the Serpent
came to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and began
his treachery, God could have stopped him and there would have been no sin, NO DEATH. God did not sanction the evil, but He did not
stop it either; in choosing to not stop sin, He
ordained it. So in
essence, God has
esteemed it good that EVIL, SORROW and TROUBLES[6] should be allowed to happen in
this world. WHAT!
When you say “who’s the blame” for Itty Bitty’s death, it denotes wrong doing, it implies
accountability, but God is not accountable to anyone. The
Potter is not accountable to the vessel;[7] He
makes out of the clay whatever He chooses. We as a finite being cannot judge an infinite
God.
When Itty Bitty was born, God knew that
she would die and didn’t stop it, so in essence God esteemed it good that she should die and allowed it to happen.
In the Book it says that as
the heavens are higher than the earth, so are God’s ways higher than our ways
and His thoughts higher than our thoughts. [8] Job
said that “the
Lord gives and the Lord takes away” and for sure THAT’S WHAT JOB BELIEVED;[9] but what if what Job
believed was not true.
The Book is clear that
God wants us to have life. He sent Jesus
so that we would have life and have more of it. [10] God does not take life away, but devises ways
to bring the sinner back to Him.
Satan’s original work on earth is to Kill,
steal and destroy; Christ came to destroy Satan’s works. Death is the result of the original sin in the Garden of Eden; eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Christ came
to give us a way back to the other tree in the Garden of Eden, “THE TREE OF LIFE”. So it is not God that takes life away, death
is the direct result of the original sin and disobedience in the Garden of Eden.
Miscarriage Empty Arms
The news of a losing your child through a
miscarriage is painful, gut-wrenching and devastating.
Sadness, anxiety, GUILT and BLAME often occur afterwards.[11] What possible good can come from carrying a
child six weeks and then it dies; is God so cruel that
He would allow such a thing to happen?[12] Thoughts
lying in my bed, hoping to wake up the next morning to find out that everything
had been a horrible nightmare and what had transpired would fade from my
recollection quickly and painlessly.[13]
How can any good come from a baby dying leaving the parents grief stricken?
When an abnormality is detected in the
body, the growth of the child is halted, and a miscarriage is the result. It
can be caused by problems with the immune system, uterine, hormonal
abnormalities, and other issues; most importantly God is not MAD at you;
the Believer is NOT under any
condemnation; so God didn’t do it. It’s in the Book
The most common symptom of a miscarriage is vaginal
bleeding with or without pain. Tissue and clot-like material may leave
the uterus and pass through and out of the vagina. About 80% of miscarriages
occur in the first 12 weeks of
pregnancy (the first trimester). The underlying
cause in about half of cases involves chromosomal abnormalities; it’s not
an attack from Satan, and God didn’t do it;[14]
Death of a Child
I felt the air being sucked out of the
room
as my legs turned to rubber. My son was
doubled over the casket of his son, only 21, killed in an auto accident. My God, my God,
why have you forsaken me? What possible good can come from a young person leaving
behind such an unfinished life? Not
finishing his education and getting that good job or getting married and having
children, or carrying on the family name; or a hundred other possible things.
We see so much violence in electronic
games as well as on TV… people die all the time, all over the world; sickness,
disease, famine, accidents, drive by shootings, meanness, evil, war. We have
just become numb to it.
What is not portrayed is the aftermath; the family
that is left behind, the devastation and the agony; the pain, the memories
and GUILT. Then the Blame Game begins in the mind. Could I have done something differently? Is it somehow my
fault or did God do it or was it Satan? Feelings of loneliness; where is God in all of this?
The Book says God takes notice
at the loss of your child, He saw him when he was being formed in the darkness of
the womb and called his name and planned good things for him.[15]
Regardless of when a child dies, the plan for which he was created
will be accomplished.
Waves of Emotions
Death is irrevocable and irreversible. It’s like the music just stopped in the middle
of a song… A flower with the blossom cut
off… Why God,
Why? I didn’t spend enough
time with him and now all I have is time. “Good Grief”
Does he know how much he took from me when he left? This
didn’t happen to someone else on TV, it happened to me. I’m NOT on the bank of
the river watching the water pass by; I’m in the water…
I’m drowning. People come up to speak a word of
encouragement… I hate it when they do that… I hate it when they don’t. I’m a mess.
The pain is like the canopy of the sky… Everywhere I
look, I remember… It repeats over and over again; wave after wave of mixed
emotions. God may have been finished
with him, but I wasn’t. Oh, the hurt… for no reason certain smells,
sounds, music, laughter or a word can bring tears to my eyes. I have weird
dreams… I feel a faint, nausea… utter mad words… have resentment… my chest
tightens… my heart flutters. My body can tolerate suffering 10 times more
than my mind.
Why Lord, Why?
I speak words of love and endearment into
the air…. My thoughts jump off into the depths of my mind, not even hearing
those speaking to me… I want to pray for him, but what can I pray… I sing
praises to God and somehow I feel I am enjoying him… I know for sure he is with
the Father.[16]
I am progressing day by day.
My sorrow is not a “state”,
it’s a process.
King David
King David’s child was born with a deadly
illness and David went through a terrible time of grief and pain; praying and
fasting for seven long days and then the baby died. His story sets an example of what our
response should be to the loss of
a child.
The First thing David did was to PRAY FERVENTLY for his child,[17]
which is something we should do in good times as well as troubling times;
seeking Godly wisdom and guidance, asking God to watch over them.[18] Bring
your child up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord and
direct their steps on the right path, and when they are older, they will not
leave it.[19]
The Second thing David did was go to church
and WORSHIPPED GOD, acknowledging
and accepting the death of his child; David gave it all over to God, turning
loose of what he could not change.[20]
The Third thing David did was ACKNOWLEDGE that the child could not come back to him
from the grave, but was confident that he would one day go to be with him in heaven.[21]
Children in Heaven
Children of Christian parents do not
automatically go to heaven just because their parents are saved;
Hold
that thought
In the search for answers when you have
lost a child, many people say that babies are innocent because they cannot
understand sin, therefore they are automatically in Heaven, but that's just not
what the
Book teaches… understanding sin is not a requirement for being under
the penalty of death for sin.
The Book tells us the true nature of Children. From the Book of Psalms;
"Behold, I was brought forth
in iniquity" and
"The wicked are
estranged from the womb;
they go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies".
Every baby is born with a sin nature even though
they haven’t done anything wrong yet; their nature is still sinful and there
are just no exceptions.[22] Although babies are born in sin, THEY HAVE NOT REJECTED the saving blood of Jesus Christ and His
work on the Cross.
As a child grows to a place in their life where they have
the opportunity to consider Spiritual things and THEN REJECT GOD; they are condemned by their own actions,
but babies, on the other hand while guilty of having a sin nature, have
not weighed the evidence of God and rejected Him,
therefore their lack of understanding does not deter the saving
grace of Jesus.
An Unfinished Life
Jesus was only 33 years of age when He
died;
from His followers and His’s family’s Belief System,
Jesus had an unfinished life, but His Father
in Heaven said, the plan for which He was created was completed. Jesus Himself spoke those last words; “It is finished”.[23]
God not only sympathizes with our
suffering and grief, but also empathizes with us because He also has
gone through an indescribable loss of His only begotten Son Jesus. Imagine God watching the mocking, beatings and
the agonizing staggering walk, carrying His own cross arm to be crucified and
then having ALL
of our sins dumped on Him and then dying.
Good
Grief!
God allows,
ordains and permits Stuff to happen; Satan, Demons and mankind is allowed to exercise their LIMITED Free Will to do the
greatest good, as well as their
greatest wickedness. The
results are used according to His purpose, His plan and His will.
All of these things work together for
Good for those that love the Lord. It’s in the Book
The devastating loss of a child leads a
parent to feel alone and abandoned by the Lord. God looks for ways to bring solace and
consolation to us,[24]
His heart grieves in the midst of those times with those who are suffering. The Book is a tool that God uses to COMFORT us during these times of unspeakable mourning
and grief.[25]
God does not
inflict suffering on us as punishment, however He does allow things to come
into our lives that by our reactions will bring Him glory. The Book says, “I have told you all this so that
you may have peace in me.[26] Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
[27]
But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” [28]
Suicide
Suicide is murder: It is not condoned in scripture, it’s a sin; however it’s NOT the un-pardonable sin, suicide can be
forgiven. Many people have thoughts of
suicide… like their life is over… like they are nothing to anybody and would
just be better off dead; they have nothing to live for.[29]
Death is an escape… the end of
weariness… the end of physical as well as mental pain… the end of hating
yourself or your life… the end of guilt over your actions… Death will finally
bring peace and quiet and rest from the turmoil.
These thoughts
are not sin, but they didn’t come from God either. Satan is the trickster… he came to kill,
steal and destroy.[30] Many a good man in the Book
has had these thoughts before you did; Jonah,[31] Job,[32] Elijah,[33] Moses[34] and Paul;[35] so consider yourself in good company.
These thoughts are much more common than
you might think, people just don’t tell you what they are thinking.
ASSISTED SUICIDE:
Jonah knew it was wrong to take his own life,
so he asked others to throw him off the ship to calm the sea; even King Saul asked someone else to help him take his
life. Paul said that while he would
prefer to leave this world, that it would be far better for his family if he
stayed.[36]
Job’s thoughts: I am including
scripture from the
Book of just a few of the
thoughts that were going through Job’s troubled mind. Some
of these thoughts just may have been the very thing you are thinking; but please
remember in the end, Job was restored… It’s in the Book
You
are not alone; it is God’s will that you have life and have it more abundantly.
Job 3:1 – Job said, I hate the day I was
born
1 After this,
Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.
NIV
Job 3:11-13 - I wish I had died at birth –
I would be at peace
11 "Why did
I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?
13 For now I
would be lying down in peace; I would be asleep and at rest NIV
Job
16 Or why was I
not hidden in the ground like a stillborn child, like an infant who never saw
the light of day?
17 There the
wicked cease from turmoil, and there the weary are at rest. NIV
Job 6:8-11 – Crush me – I have no hope
8 "Oh, that
I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for,
9 that God would
be willing to crush me, to let loose his hand and cut me off!
10 Then I would
still have this consolation- my joy in unrelenting pain- that I had not denied
the words of the Holy One.
11 "What
strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be
patient?
NIV
Job 7:1-3 – I am in
misery – longing for the end of the day.
1 "Does not
man have hard service on earth? Are not his days like those of a hired man?
2 Like a slave
longing for the evening shadows, or a hired man waiting eagerly for his wages,
3 so I have been
allotted months of futility, and nights of misery have been assigned to me.
NIV
Job 7:15-16 – My life has
no meaning – I despise it.
15 so that I
prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine.
16 I despise my
life; I would not live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning.
NIV
Job
7:15-16 - I prefer strangling and death, I despise my
life
15 so
that I prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine.
16 I despise my life; I would not
live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning.
NIV
The Take Away
Because God is sovereign, He knows the life decisions of a new born baby even before
they were formed in the womb and knows when they will die. There are no accidents or surprises with God; every
moment the child lived was already laid out before a single day of his life had
passed. God knows [37]
God does not inflict suffering on us as
punishment, however He does allow things to come into our lives that by our
actions and reactions will bring Him glory.[38]
The Book
says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows,
but take heart, because
I have overcome the world”
God not only sympathizes with our suffering
and grief, but also empathizes with us because He also has gone
through an indescribable loss of His only begotten Son Jesus the Christ.
There
is no time limit on your recovery,
nor
a day passing without remembrance.
Talk
about your loss… Share your story…
Take
care of yourself and your family
as
they are suffering as well.
King David set the example of our
response to the loss of a child;
1) PRAY FERVENTLY in good times as
well as troubling times; seeking Godly wisdom and guidance, asking God to watch
over your children. Bring them up with the discipline and instruction that
comes from the Lord and direct their steps on the right path, and when they are
older, they will not leave it.
2) WORSHIPPED GOD, acknowledging
and accepting the death of your child; Give it all over to God, turning loose
of what you cannot change.
3) ACKNOWLEDGE that your child
will not come back to you from the grave, but be confident that you will one
day go to be with him in heaven.
Every baby is born with a sin nature even though
they haven’t done anything wrong yet; their nature is still sinful and there are just no exceptions. Although babies are born in sin, they HAVE NOT REJECTED the saving blood
of Jesus Christ and His work on the Cross.
The Book says the Lord is
close to the brokenhearted and that it is NOT God’s will that
any little one should perish, but when they do, in the finality of things, it will all work together for the good for those that love the
Lord.
NOTE:
There are two kingdoms of God; the kingdom that is NOW
on earth and the NOT YET kingdom that is to come… You must be a member or citizen of the
kingdom that is NOW in order to be
a member or citizen of the NOT YET kingdom of God. THERE IS NO
OTHER WAY
If
you want to enjoy your child in heaven then YOU must be “born again”.[39]
The Book says "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved."
[40]
If you want to know the deeper
things about the innocence or non- innocence of children, then I
encourage you to read the Word study;
It’s
in the Book 10.1 “Age of Accountability.”
[1] Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
[2] Matthew 18:14 – It is not God’s will that a child should die
[3] Ephesians 1:11 – All things happen according to HIS purpose -- Revelation
21:4 – One Day there will be no more sorrow nor crying, God will wipe away every tear
[4] Romans 8:28 – All things work together for Good for those that
love the Lord
[5] Psalm 139:16 - Every moment was laid out before the first day
[6] John 16:33 – God says you will have many
trials and sorrows in this world
[7] Romans 9:21 – The Potter is not accountable to the vessel
[8] Isaiah 55:8-9 - My ways are
beyond anything you can imagine
[9] Job 1:21 – Job believed WRONGLY that
God gives, and takes away
[10] John 10:10 – It is Satan that comes to kill steal
and destroy, and it is Jesus that came that they may have life and have
it abundantly
[11] Matthew 5:4 – God will comfort those who
mourn for their child -- Psalm 34:18 – God is close to the crushed;
the brokenhearted
[12] Ecclesiastes 11:5 – THE MYSTERY
OF A TINY BABY; WHO CAN UNDERSTAND THE ACTIVITY OF GOD
[13] Psalm 34:1-7 – I prayed to God and He heard me -- Lamentations 3:33 – God
does not enjoy it when you are in sorrow
-- Philippians 4:6-7 - Pray about everything tell God what you need, then you will experience God’s peace
[14] Romans 8:1 – Believer is NOT under any condemnation from God
-- Romans 8:28 – The loss of a child will eventually work for good
[15] Psalm 139:13-15 - You saw me being formed in utter darkness -- Isaiah 49:1 - From within the womb He
called your child by name -- Jeremiah
1:5 – God knew your child before he was formed -- Jeremiah
29:11 – God’s plan for your child is FOR GOOD
[16] John 16:20-23 - You have sorrow now, but
you will see him again
[17] Judges 13:12 – Seek God for direction in your
child’s life
[18] Ephesians 6:4 – Teach them discipline and instruction from God
[19] Proverbs 22:6 – Direct their path while they are young and when they are older, they will not leave it
[20] 1 Samuel 1:27-28 - Now I am giving him to the LORD
[21] 2 Samuel 12:15-24 – One day I’ll go to him, but he cannot return to me -- Revelation 21:4 – God will wipe away my tears
[22] Psalm 51:5 – We are born sinners -- Psalm 58:3 – From birth we have gone our own sinful ways
[23] Isaiah 55:11 – God’s plan for your child will be accomplished -- 1 Samuel
1:27-28 - Now I am giving him to the LORD
[24] Isaiah 41:10 - I AM WITH YOU AND WILL STRENGTHEN YOU,
ENCOURAGE YOU, HELP YOU AND HOLD YOU
[25] 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 – We’re comforted so we can comfort others
[26] John 16:33 - I have told you this so that
you may have peace -- Isaiah
26:3 – With your thoughts on God you will be in perfect peace
[27] 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 – Don’t look at the
troubles we can see now; rather fix your gaze on things that last forever
[28] Revelation 21:3-4 – God will wipe away every tear from your eyes there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain
[29] Jerimiah 8:3 – When
things are bad, people will consider death. -- Revelation 9:6 – When Life goes
wrong, people seek death to escape.
[30] John
[31] Jonah 4:8 – Jonah thought he had failed God; Wanted to die
[32] Job 10:1 – I hate my life - Job
7:15-16 – My life has no meaning, I prefer
strangling and death, rather than this body of mine,
and I despise it.
-- Job 10:1 – I hate my life
[33] 1 Kings 19:4 – Elijah felt his life
meaningless and wanted to die
[34] Numbers 11:15 – Moses felt dejected;
preferred to die
[35] Philippians 1:23-24 – I’m
torn between life and death, but its better I stay here
[36] 2 Corinthians 5:8 – Paul preferred to die and
be with Christ
[37] Isaiah 55:9 – God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours
[38] Romans 14:8 – Whatever we do and whether we live or die; it is unto the
Lord
[39] John 11:25-26 – Whoever believes in me will never die
[40] Acts 16:31 – Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ & you will be saved
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